I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
