Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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