At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
