I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
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