Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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