yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
