Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
