Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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