i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
