I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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