i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
