I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
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