Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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