I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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