WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Randomize
