Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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