I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
