I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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