Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
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