so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
