Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
