ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
