My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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