He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
