Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
