I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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