Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize