So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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