I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
