I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
