Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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