Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
