I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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