She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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