my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she smelled like a LAN party
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
