she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
