He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize