forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
