i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
