Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
operation have a gay friend backfired
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
