dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
