I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
