we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
