I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
