I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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