did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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