How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize