Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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