just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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