connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
