OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
my poor anus
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
