When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
