I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
