just tell him i said nine months
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize