I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Let's get the cat blown out
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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