After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
