I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
