but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
