I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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