I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
