I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Hippo gnu deer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
