So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
