never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
