we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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