I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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