I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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