'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
