Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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