normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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