So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
