I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
What a dumb baby whore.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
