Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
