hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
