Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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