the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
