If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
