Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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