i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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