I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
