Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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