I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
