Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
