why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
