Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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