I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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