Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
