So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Welp...herpes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
