honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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