so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize