she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
